As a grandma, I love spending time with my grandkids. But sometimes, I say things I shouldn’t—words I don’t want them to repeat or believe about themselves.
Kids listen closely. They soak up everything we say, like little sponges.
Sometimes we forget that our words can hurt, even when we don’t mean them to. That’s why it’s important to think before we speak.
So, let’s talk about some words and phrases we should try to avoid when talking to our grandkids.
Quick note: I know none of us are perfect—I’m certainly not! Please don’t think I’m trying to preach or act like I’m better than anyone. I just want to share what I’ve learned. Thank you!
1. “I’m too old to learn new things”
Saying this can make your grandchild think learning stops when you get older. Show them that people of all ages can keep learning and growing.
Say this instead: “I love learning new things—let’s learn something together!”
Example: Your grandchild teaches you how to play a new phone game. Instead of saying, “I’m too old to learn this,” say, “This is fun! Show me how it works—I want to get good at it too.”
2. “You’re not allowed to do that”
This phrase can sound harsh or bossy, and it might make your grandchild feel like you don’t trust them. Instead, explain why something is unsafe or not okay.
Say this instead: “That might not be safe. Let’s find a better way to do it.”
Example: Your grandchild tries to climb a tall fence. Instead of saying, “You’re not allowed to do that,” say, “That looks a little risky. Let’s find something safer to climb.”
3. “You’re always…”
This phrase can make kids feel like they can’t change. It can sound like you only notice the bad stuff. Instead, talk about what you see in a helpful way.
Say this instead: “I noticed that you…” or “I like when you…”
Example: Your grandchild often forgets to clean up. Instead of saying, “You’re always so messy,” say, “I noticed you remembered to put your books away yesterday. That was really helpful!”
4. “You’re so lazy”
Calling a child lazy can make them feel bad, even if they’re just tired or distracted. Instead of labeling them, help them find a reason to get started.
Say this instead: “Let’s get moving together!” or “What’s making this hard for you?”
Example: Your grandchild doesn’t want to clean their room. Instead of saying, “You’re so lazy,” say, “Let’s put on music and clean up together. I’ll race you to pick up the socks!”
5. “I don’t have the patience for this”
Saying this can make your grandchild feel like they’re too much to handle. It’s okay to feel tired, but they need to know you still care.
Say this instead: “Let’s take a short break and come back to it together.”
Example: You’re helping with homework and start to feel frustrated. Instead of saying, “I don’t have the patience for this,” say, “Let’s pause and get a snack. We’ll feel better and finish it together.”
6. “I’m too busy for you”
This phrase can make your grandchild feel like they’re not important. Even if you’re busy, you can still make them feel loved and seen.
Say this instead: “I’m finishing something now, but I’d love to spend time with you soon.”
Example: Your grandchild asks to play while you’re on a phone call. Instead of saying, “I’m too busy for you,” say, “I’m on a call right now, but let’s play together as soon as I’m done.”
7. “I told you so”
This phrase can make kids feel embarrassed when they mess up. It might make them afraid to try again. Instead, focus on helping them learn from what happened.
Say this instead: “Mistakes are okay. Let’s try again together.”
Example: Your grandchild breaks a toy after not following directions. Instead of saying, “I told you so,” say, “That didn’t go how we hoped. Mistakes help us learn—let’s fix it together.”
8. “You’re too young to understand”
This phrase can make kids feel like their thoughts don’t matter. Even if they don’t get everything, they deserve to be heard and included.
Say this instead: “Let’s talk about it together.” or “What do you think about this?”
Example: Your grandchild asks why someone is homeless. Instead of saying, “You’re too young to understand,” say, “That’s a good question. Some people go through hard times. Let’s talk more about it.”
9. “That’s a stupid idea”
Calling an idea “stupid” can make your grandchild afraid to share their thoughts. Even if something seems silly, it’s better to stay open and kind.
Say this instead: “That’s an interesting idea. Let’s think more about it together.”
Example: Your grandchild suggests building a robot from cardboard. Instead of saying, “That’s a stupid idea,” say, “That sounds creative! Let’s figure out what materials we need to make it.”
10. “You’re too sensitive”
Saying this can make a child feel like their feelings aren’t real or important. Everyone feels things differently. Let them know it’s okay to have big emotions.
Say this instead: “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s talk about it together.”
Example: Your grandchild cries after losing a game. Instead of saying, “You’re too sensitive,” say, “It’s okay to be sad about losing. Want to talk about how it made you feel?”
11. “That’s not how it’s done”
Saying this can stop your grandkids from being creative. It might make them scared to try new things. Instead, support their ideas and help them explore.
Say this instead: “That’s a cool idea. Want to see another way too?”
Example: Your grandchild builds a Lego tower sideways. Instead of saying, “That’s not how it’s done,” say, “That’s a fun way to build it! Want to see how I might do it too?”
12. “I can’t do that”
Saying “I can’t” might make grandkids think that trying new things isn’t worth it. It’s okay not to be able to do everything, but showing that you’re willing to try sets a strong example.
Say this instead: “I’ll give it a try!” or “Let’s figure it out together.”
Example: Your grandchild asks you to help build a Lego set. Instead of saying, “I can’t do that,” say, “Let’s try this together—I might need your help!”
13. “You’re not good at that”
This phrase can make your grandchild want to give up. Everyone learns at their own pace. It’s better to encourage them to keep trying and getting better.
Say this instead: “Let’s keep practicing—you’re learning so much!”
Example: Your grandchild paints a picture that’s a little messy. Instead of saying, “You’re not good at painting,” say, “I love your creativity! Let’s practice more and see how your art grows.”
14. “You’re always making a mess”
This phrase can make kids feel like they’re bad for having fun. Messes happen, especially when kids are being creative or learning. Instead of blaming, offer to help clean up.
Say this instead: “It’s okay to make a mess, but let’s clean it up together.”
Example: Your grandchild spills glitter while making a card. Instead of saying, “You’re always making a mess,” say, “Glitter goes everywhere, doesn’t it? Let’s clean it up together.”
15. “You’re not good enough”
This phrase can really hurt a child’s feelings. It might make them think they’re not smart or talented. Instead, cheer them on and help them improve.
Say this instead: “I believe in you, and we can work on this together.”
Example: Your grandchild doesn’t do well on a school project. Instead of saying, “You’re not good enough,” say, “You tried hard, and that matters. Let’s see how we can make it even better next time.”
16. “I’m too old for that”
Saying this can make aging sound like a bad thing. It can also make grandkids think older people can’t have fun or try new things. Instead, share what you feel up for without making it about age.
Say this instead: “That’s not really my thing, but I love watching you enjoy it!”
Example: Your grandchild wants you to try their favorite dance. Instead of saying, “I’m too old for that,” say, “That move is tricky for me, but I love watching you dance. Show me again!”
17. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling/cousin/friend?”
Comparing your grandchild to someone else can hurt their feelings. It might make them feel like they’re not good enough. It can also cause tension between family or friends. Instead, praise them for who they are and what makes them special.
Say this instead: “You have your own special talents, and I’m proud of you.”
Example: Your grandchild struggles with reading, but their cousin is a fast reader. Instead of saying, “Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” say, “You’re working so hard at reading, and I’m proud of the progress you’re making.”
18. “I don’t care”
Saying “I don’t care” can hurt your grandchild’s feelings. It might make them think their thoughts don’t matter. Even if you’re tired or distracted, try to show that you’re listening.
Say this instead: “That’s interesting. Let’s talk more about it.”
Example: Your grandchild tells you about a game they made up. Instead of saying, “I don’t care,” say, “That’s a cool idea. Tell me more about how it works!”
19. “I don’t have time”
Saying this can make your grandkids feel like they’re not important. It might sound like you don’t want to be with them. Instead, let them know you care and will make time soon.
Say this instead: “Let me finish this, then we can have some time together.”
Example: Your grandchild asks you to play while you’re cooking. Instead of saying, “I don’t have time,” say, “Let me finish dinner, then we’ll read your favorite book together.”
20. “Stupid”
Calling something or someone “stupid” can really hurt. It can make your grandchild feel small or like they’re not smart. Words like that stick with kids and can lower their confidence. Instead, try to gently guide them with kindness.
Say this instead: “That wasn’t the best choice. Let’s see what we can do next time.”
Example: Your grandchild spills juice while trying to pour it alone. Instead of saying, “That was stupid,” say, “Spills happen! That wasn’t the best way to pour, but now we know how to do it better.”
In conclusion, as grandparents, the way we talk around our grandkids really matters. Our words can shape how they feel about themselves and the world around them. What we say can help build their confidence—or hurt it.
That’s why it’s important to speak with kindness, patience, and respect. When we use gentle and caring words, we show them how to treat others, too.
Let’s work to create a home where our grandkids feel safe, loved, and supported—because when they feel that way, they can grow into strong, happy, and caring people.
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