Science Says Grandchildren Feel Close to Grandparents Who Do These 5 Simple Things

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Do you ever worry you’re not doing enough for your grandkids? Maybe you live far away. Maybe you feel like you’re up against phones, video games, and packed schedules. If so, you’re not alone. Lots of grandparents feel this way.

Here’s the good news. Research shows that being close to your grandkids doesn’t take big trips, expensive gifts, or a lot of money. It comes from small things you do again and again.

And this closeness helps you, too. A Boston College study found that when grandparents and grown grandkids felt close, both of them were less likely to feel depressed. So a strong bond is good for everyone.

Below are five simple habits that science links to closer relationships with grandkids. None of them are hard, and you can start any of them this week.

1. Tell Them the Family Stories

Your memories are worth more than you might think. Two researchers at Emory University, Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush, made a list of questions to see how much kids knew about their family’s past. They asked things like “Do you know where your grandparents grew up?” and “Do you know how your parents met?” The kids who knew more of the answers tended to feel better about themselves. They also bounced back more easily when life got hard.

Why does this matter so much? Family stories show kids they belong to something bigger than themselves. They learn they come from people who got through tough times. And when you’re the one telling those stories, you become a special person in their life: the keeper of the family’s history.

You don’t need to only share the happy parts, either. The researchers found that the most helpful stories have ups and downs. Maybe it’s the time Grandpa lost his job and the family pulled together until things got better. Or the year the house flooded and everyone pitched in to fix it. Stories like these teach kids that hard times don’t last forever, and that their family knows how to keep going.

Finding time to tell these stories is easier than it sounds. Pull out old photo albums when the family gets together for the holidays and let the pictures do the talking. If your grandkids live far away, record a short video on your phone about where you grew up or what your first car was like, and send it their way.

Think about their age, too. Little ones love picture books and simple “when I was your age” stories. Teens are a different crowd. They’re often most interested in stories about your mistakes, your first job, or the time you got in trouble. It shows them you were young once too, and that can bring you closer than almost anything else.

2. Show Up Consistently (Even in Small Ways)

When it comes to feeling close, how often you connect matters more than how big the visit is. Studies on grandparents and grandkids keep finding the same thing: the more regularly you’re in touch, the closer you tend to be. And it doesn’t have to be in person. Phone calls, texts, and video chats all count.

That’s good news, because a lot of American grandparents don’t live nearby. AARP surveys show that many grandparents live hundreds of miles from at least one grandchild. If that’s you, staying in touch from a distance is one of the best things you can do.

Why does it work? Kids feel safe with people they can count on. When you call every Sunday or send a card every month, your grandkids learn that you’ll always be there. Over time, that trust turns into closeness.

A good place to start is a weekly video call at the same time each week. Keep it short for little ones, since five or ten minutes is plenty before they start wandering off. Don’t forget about good old-fashioned mail, either. Kids hardly ever get letters anymore, so a postcard with their name on it feels like a real treat.

With teens, meet them where they are. That usually means texting. Send a funny picture, a quick “good luck on your test,” or a “thinking of you.” Don’t expect long replies, and don’t take short ones personally. A thumbs-up emoji from a teenager still means they saw it and they care.

If you live far away: Try reading a bedtime story over video so you’re part of their nightly routine. You could also play a simple online game together, like checkers or Words With Friends. Or start a shared photo album on your phones where you both add pictures from your week. These small habits help you feel like part of their everyday life, even from miles away.

Read Also: Grandmothers Who Have a Strong Relationship With Their Grandkids Do These 7 Things Differently Than Those Who Don’t

3. Listen More Than You Advise

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your grandkids is just listen. A study from Oxford University looked at teens in Britain and found that when grandparents talked with them about their problems and plans for the future, those teens tended to have fewer emotional and behavior problems.

Research from Brigham Young University found something similar. Teens with grandparents who were involved in their lives tended to be kinder and more helpful to others.

Here’s why you’re in such a great spot to help. Parents have to handle the daily rules, like homework, chores, and curfews. That can make it hard for kids to open up to them sometimes. You’re different. You’re someone who loves them without nagging about their messy room, and that makes you an easy person to talk to.

To get the conversation going, ask questions that need more than a yes or no. Instead of “Did you have a good week?” try “What was the best part of your week?” or “What’s something funny that happened at school?” Then, let them talk.

This part can be hard, but try not to jump in with advice or a lecture right away. When a grandchild tells you about a problem, they often just want someone to understand. A simple “That sounds really hard” can mean more than any solution you could offer. If they want your advice, they’ll usually ask.

It also helps to remember the little things they tell you. If your granddaughter mentioned a soccer tryout, ask about it next time: “So how did the tryout go?” That shows you were really listening, and that what matters to them matters to you.

One important note: it’s great to be someone your grandkids can trust with their secrets. But let them know there’s one exception. If they ever tell you something that means they could be in danger or getting hurt, you’ll need to tell their parents. Being honest about this up front keeps their trust and keeps them safe.

4. Do Hands-On Things Together

Some of the best talks happen when you’re busy doing something else. The same Oxford study found that doing things together, like hobbies, help with homework, and day trips, was a big part of what made grandparents such a positive force in teens’ lives.

Doing things side by side also takes the pressure off. A kid who clams up when you ask “How’s school?” across the dinner table might start talking while the two of you are kneading bread dough or waiting for a fish to bite. When your hands are busy, the words often come more easily.

These moments also turn into the memories your grandkids carry with them for life. Years from now, they’ll still talk about “the summer we built the birdhouse” or the time the pancakes stuck to the ceiling. Those inside jokes and shared stories are the glue that holds you together.

So think about what you know how to do and pass it down. Maybe it’s baking Grandma’s famous pie, tying a fishing knot, growing tomatoes, knitting a scarf, or fixing a squeaky door. Kids love learning real skills from someone patient, and you’ll be passing on a piece of yourself at the same time.

Don’t forget to flip it around, too. Let your grandkids teach you something. Ask them to show you their favorite video game, explain how TikTok works, or help you figure out a tricky setting on your phone. Kids feel proud when they get to be the expert, and you’ll probably have a few good laughs along the way.

You might also start a tradition that belongs to just the two of you. It could be going to a ballgame every spring, making pancakes on the first Saturday of summer break, or picking out a holiday ornament together each December. Having something that’s “our thing” makes a grandchild feel truly special.

And here’s the best part: none of this has to cost much. A walk to the park, a puzzle on the kitchen table, or a card game after dinner can mean just as much as a fancy outing. What your grandkids will remember most is that you spent the time with them.

Read Also: 20 Things Every Grandma Should Say to Her Grandkids That Stay With Them For Life

5. Respect the Parents’ Rules and Relationships

This one might surprise you, but one of the best ways to get closer to your grandkids is to get along with their parents. Family researchers sometimes call parents the “gatekeepers,” because they decide how much time you get with the kids and how that time is spent.

Studies show that when grandparents have a good relationship with their grown children, they tend to be much closer to their grandkids, too.

Kids are smarter than we sometimes think. They pick up on tension between the adults they love, even when nobody says a word. When they see you and their parents getting along, they feel more relaxed around you. You become a safe, happy part of their world instead of a source of stress.

A simple way to show respect is to check with the parents before you do something big. Want to buy a new bike, hand out candy before dinner, or let them stay up late watching movies? Ask first. It might feel like a small thing, but it tells your son or daughter that you trust them to raise their own kids.

It’s also important not to criticize the parents in front of the grandkids. You may not agree with every choice they make, and that’s normal. Things are done differently now than when you were raising your own children. If something really bothers you, bring it up privately and calmly, not in front of the kids.

Instead of offering advice no one asked for, try offering a helping hand. Pick the kids up from school, take them for an afternoon so Mom and Dad can have a break, or drop off a meal on a busy week. Parents remember that kind of help, and it usually leads to more invitations and more time with your grandkids.

We know not every family situation is simple. Divorce, stepfamilies, and hurt feelings can make things complicated, and some grandparents aren’t on speaking terms with their grown children at all. If that’s where you are, please don’t give up hope. Keeping the door open, staying kind, and being patient can go a long way. A family counselor can also help everyone work through hard feelings, and AARP’s website has helpful information for grandparents dealing with tricky family situations.

Conclusion
Getting closer to your grandkids doesn’t take money, perfect timing, or living next door. It comes down to five simple things: sharing your family stories, staying in touch on a regular basis, listening more than you talk, doing things together, and showing respect for their parents.

And it’s never too late to start. Even if your grandkids are teens or grown adults, your bond can still grow stronger.

So pick just one of these habits and try it this week. Make that call, tell that story, or plan that pancake breakfast. Small steps add up.

What special tradition do you share with your grandkids? Tell us in the comments. We’d love to hear about it!

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