Grandma Gave Toddler’s First Haircut Without Asking—How Would You Handle It?

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A child’s first haircut is supposed to be a special moment. Many parents take a picture, save a small piece of hair, or write about it in a baby book.

But one mom on Reddit didn’t get that moment. Her own mom gave her 20-month-old daughter a haircut without asking.

The unexpected haircut

The mom shared her story in a Reddit post that got a lot of attention.

She explained that her mother visits often and helps take care of her toddler. Sometimes her mom helps too much, like putting things in the wrong place. But this time, she went too far.

“I come home and she had given my daughter her first haircut. No discussion, no permission. It looks fine, and we might have said yes if she asked, but my husband and I had talked about it [beforehand],” the mom wrote.

The haircut didn’t look bad. The mom said she and her husband might have said yes if they had been asked. They had already talked about when to cut their daughter’s hair.

But there was one big problem—the grandma gave the little girl bangs. “It was so close to being behind-the-ear length,” the mom explained. “Now we’re faced with many more months of hair in her eyes.”

Even though the grandma said she was sorry, the mom was still very upset. “I can hardly look at her. Or my daughter, for that matter. I am so mad.”

Did grandma go too far?

People on Reddit are split into two groups after reading the story:

1. Some say, “It’s not a big deal—just move on.”
2. Others believe, “This crossed a big line.”

One person, MirandaR524, shared a thoughtful opinion. She asked:

“Do you think she did it as a ‘Oh, Sally needs a haircut, I’ll take that off their plate and save them some money by doing it myself,’ or do you think it was malicious like, ‘Grandma is giving her grandbaby her FIRST haircut!!’”

Another user, BalloonShip, told the mom to think about her anger in a more helpful way:

“If this is really because ‘ditzy but well-meaning,’ you need to find a way to let this go. Realizing that caring about a first haircut is a concept that’s only a couple of generations old might help.”

Then Katsdeen shared a strong reminder:

“It’s simply not an ‘oh no’ moment—it’s an ‘oh well’ moment. Express your displeasure and move on because you can’t go back in time.”

Where should you draw the line?

For the mom who shared her story, the haircut was just the beginning. “Now we’re starting to question her judgment and what else she might do without asking,” she said.

Many parents understand this struggle. It’s hard to balance getting help from family with keeping your own rules. One person in the comments said this might not just be about the haircut—it could be a sign of a bigger trust problem.

If you feel the same way, it may help to talk about it. Grandma might just need a kind but clear reminder: “We really appreciate your help. But when it comes to big choices like this, we want you to check with us first.”

What to do if this happens to you

If something like this happens in your family, here are some simple steps to help you handle it:

1. Share your feelings and set rules: Calmly tell the person why you were upset. Explain what you expect next time.
2. Look at the bigger picture: Was it a one-time mistake, or does this person often do things without asking? Your answer can help you decide what to do.
3. It’s okay to be sad: Missing a special moment can hurt. It’s fine to feel upset, but try not to let it hurt your relationship forever.

Parenting has a lot of surprises. Even though this was hard for the mom, it doesn’t seem like Grandma meant to hurt anyone. If she was just trying to help, a kind but honest talk might be enough to fix things.

Right now, the mom is trying to move forward. She said, “We had a talk about boundaries and the bigger issue, not just the haircut. We’ll see what happens next.”

What would you do if a family member did something important for your child without asking you first? Share your thoughts and reply to my email.

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