Kids say the funniest things, and lucky for us grandmas, we get to hear a lot of them! Now that I’m a grandma too (with plenty of silly stories of my own), I thought it would be fun to share some of the funniest things grandkids have said.
I hope these 40+ stories make you smile!
I took my 6-year-old grandson to his favorite restaurant. He felt very grown up and ordered everything on his own. When the waiter asked how he wanted his steak, he looked confused and said, “You know… on a plate!”
Grandma was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup. Her young granddaughter watched closely, just like she had many times before. When Grandma finished and added her lipstick, she started to walk out. But the little girl stopped her and said, “Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!”
When the pandemic started, it was hard not seeing my two-year-old granddaughter. But when lockdown rules were lifted last May, I visited her with my hand puppets, and we had so much fun. The next time I visited, I forgot the puppets. I told her I missed her and asked if she missed me. She said, “No, I miss the puppets.”
My young grandson called me the other day to say Happy Birthday. He asked how old I was, and I told him, “I’m 80.” He was quiet for a moment. Then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
My 5-year-old grandson wasn’t a big fan of his mom’s new hair. She had bleached it from dark brown to almost white. He looked at me and said, “Granny, I liked my mom’s hair better when it matched her eyebrows… like yours!”
After Grandma put her grandkids to bed, she changed into old pants and a loose shirt to wash her hair. While she was busy, the kids started getting louder and wilder. She was running out of patience. Finally, she wrapped a towel around her wet hair and marched into their room. She gave them a serious talk and tucked them back in. As she walked out, she heard the three-year-old whisper in a shaky voice, “Who was THAT?”
When my grandson and I got to our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside so we wouldn’t attract bugs. But a few fireflies still followed us in. Before I even noticed, he whispered, “It’s no use. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
A grandmother was telling her young granddaughter about what life was like when she was a kid. “We used to skate on a frozen pond,” she said. “I had a tire swing hanging from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony and picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl listened with wide eyes, amazed by the stories. Then she smiled and said, “I wish I had met you back then!”
My three-year-old grandson was checking out his cousins’ new bunk beds. He was about to climb into the bottom bunk when his mom warned him to be careful not to bump his head. He nodded and said, “I know! That’s why they’re called bonk beds!”
One day, my grandson was visiting when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I smiled and felt a little proud. “No,” I said. “How are we alike?” He looked at me and said, “You’re both old.”
I spent a week visiting my daughter and her family. One afternoon, I went outside to sit on the front porch. My granddaughter was about to ride bikes with a girl from the neighborhood. As they walked toward the sidewalk, I overheard their conversation: My granddaughter said, “That’s my grandma. She’s staying with us for a whole week! Do you have a grandma?” The neighbor girl replied, “No, I just have a nana.” My granddaughter smiled and said, “You should really get a grandma!”
A little girl was busy typing on her grandpa’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. "I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t read yet!”
When my granddaughter was 4, I told her she was growing up too fast and needed to slow down. She looked at me and said, “But it’s not my fault, Nan. It’s my mom’s fault. She keeps giving me all those birthday parties!”
I wasn’t sure if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I pointed to different things and asked her what color they were. She got every one right. I was having fun, so I kept going. Finally, she walked toward the door and said, “Grandma, maybe you should try to learn some of these colors yourself!”
A few nights ago, my eight-year-old granddaughter spent the night at our house. The next morning, she watched me put on some anti-wrinkle cream. “Don’t worry,” I told her. “You don’t need this yet. You’re not old like me.” She looked at me and said, “You’re not old. You’re middle-aged.”
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I jokingly said, “I’m not sure.” He smiled and said, “Look in your underwear, Grandpa. Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
One day, my grandson saw me take off my shirt. He pointed at my chest and asked, “How come you have a beard there?”
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandma, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” Her grandma, a little surprised, stayed calm and said, “That’s interesting. How do you make babies?” The girl smiled and said, “It’s easy—you just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’!”
During the pandemic, my two granddaughters—ages six and eight—were being homeschooled by their mom. One day, the older one set up a spelling bee with her little sister. “Spell ‘elephant,’” the eight-year-old said. Their mom smiled and said, “Let her spell small animals, not big ones.” The older sister thought for a moment, then said, “Okay—spell ‘mosquito.’”
Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher said. A young boy wrote, “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher pulled him aside to explain. “Do you know what pregnant means?” she asked. The boy nodded and said proudly, “Yes, it means carrying a child.”
My two-year-old granddaughter walked into the kitchen to wash her hands. Her mom was busy and told her to use the bathroom sink instead. My granddaughter crossed her arms and said, “Mommy is giving me attitude!”
One day, a grandfather was driving his grandchildren home when a fire truck sped by. In the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian. The kids began talking about what the dog was for. “They use him to keep crowds back,” one said. “No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.” Then a third child ended the debate by saying confidently, “They use the dogs to find the fire hydrants.”
When my granddaughter was little, her dad told her that Jesus was with her in the room. She didn’t understand and asked, “Daddy, are you Jesus?” He laughed and said no. Still confused, she looked up and asked, “Daddy, am I Jesus?”
My four-year-old grandson loves picking dandelions. He puts them in a glass of water and gives them to his mom as a sweet gift. One day, I saw him reaching for the glass of dandelion water. Just in time, I stopped him. “Don’t drink that,” I said. “That water is yucky.” He looked at me and said, “Well, it tasted good yesterday.”
A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. He said, “Oh, she lives at the airport. When we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done with her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
I was talking to my 3-year-old grandson on the phone, but I couldn’t understand everything he was saying. I kept asking, “What?” over and over. Finally, he got frustrated and said, “Grandma, you’re not listening loud enough!”
My husband was reading a story to our three-year-old granddaughter, Kate. After a little while, she started to lose interest. So he changed things up—he read a few sentences, then pointed to pictures and asked questions. “What’s that?” he asked. “A giraffe,” Kate said. They did this for a bit, but she eventually got tired of the game. “What’s that?” he asked again, pointing to a zebra. Kate sighed and said, “Geez, Granddad, don’t you know anything?”
When my daughter was seven, she was shocked to learn that her grandparents had real names. She thought their names were Jeans—because Grandma always wore jeans—and Keys—because Grandpa always held the keys!
Before the pandemic, our three-year-old grandson, Matthew, went to Disneyland with his parents. Before they left, his grandpa had joked, “Can I come along in your suitcase?” Later, when they arrived at the hotel and opened their suitcases, Matthew peeked inside one. He looked around, confused, and called out, “Grandpa?”
I was on the phone with my son talking about dinner plans when my 7-year-old granddaughter chimed in and said, “Salad is ruining my life!”
“Hey Grandma, how come you and Grandpa don’t have regular names like the rest of us?”
My four-year-old granddaughter was pretending to eat a piece of make-believe cake. Her older brother, who’s allergic to nuts, asked for a pretend slice too. She quickly said, “No, you can’t have any. It has nuts in it!”
One day, my 3-year-old granddaughter asked, “Grandma, how old are you?” I smiled and said, “How old do you think I am?” She thought for a moment and said, “10. You are 10.” I laughed and said, “Nope, I’m almost 60.” She looked surprised and said, “60?! I don’t know THAT number!”
I once asked my granddaughter if she knew her full name. She stood tall and proudly said, “Cassandra Lauren Miller Come Here!”
Our family dog, Dooley, was about to turn 11. Our five-year-old grandson thought a frisbee would make a great gift. We told him Dooley was too old for that now. He smiled and said, “Don’t worry. It says ‘ages five to 12’ right on the box!”
I was at the shopping center with my granddaughter when she saw a large woman in a black coat walking ahead of us. She pointed and shouted, “Look, Nanny! A bear!”
I asked my five-year-old granddaughter what she wanted to be when she grows up. She smiled and said, “A cashier.” When I asked why, she answered, “Because I get to take people’s money!”
This morning, my wife told our 3-year-old grandson that owls are nocturnal. He nodded and said, “Yes, owls are not turtles!”
All the grandkids were swimming, and 7-year-old Madison asked if I was going to wear my swimsuit too. I joked and said I might wear my bikini. Her eyes lit up and she said, “Cool! People your age will think you’re hot!”
My six-year-old grandson, Lucas, and I play a game called “mystery cookies.” I bake cookies, and he tries to guess the ingredients. He was getting pretty good at it—until one day, I made some extra-chewy cookies and asked him what was in them. He took a bite and guessed, “Sponges?”
I hope these sweet quotes made you smile like they did for me! Now it’s your turn—what funny things have your grandkids said? I’d love to hear them!
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