“Emotionally strong grandparents know their role isn’t to redo parenting,” says Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, a child psychologist in New Jersey. “Instead, they create a safe, supportive ‘second circle’ around the family that nurtures security rather than tension.”
At Grandmawise, we wanted to learn more about this kind of emotional strength. So, we asked child psychologists to share their thoughts on what it looks like—and discovered seven inspiring things emotionally strong grandparents do differently.
1. They don’t try to take control
Emotionally strong grandparents know that their adult children understand their own family best. That means letting parents set the rules—whether it’s curfews, what shows the kids can watch, or when bedtime starts.
For instance, if your child says, “Please don’t give her candy before dinner—she won’t eat her meal,” you honor that request. Even though it might be tempting to sneak a little treat, following their wishes shows respect. It also reassures your grandchild that the adults in their life are working together with love and care.
2. They ask before giving advice
We all know people who like to share their opinion, even when no one asked. Strong grandparents do something different—they check first.
Instead of jumping in with, “You should really potty-train him this way,” an emotionally strong grandparent might pause and say, “I’ve been through potty training before and have a few ideas. Would you like me to share them?”
This simple habit protects trust, makes conversations more open, and shows everyone that boundaries matter. It also sets a loving example of respect for the next generation.
3. They validate without undermining
Strong grandparents also know how to listen with love while supporting parents at the same time.
Dr. Koslowitz gives this example: when a child says, “Daddy’s so mean—he won’t let me have ice cream,” a wise grandparent responds gently: “I know that feels disappointing.” But instead of going against the parent, they add: “Let’s find a snack your dad said yes to.”
This way, the child feels understood, but the parent’s authority is respected.
Lorraine Madden also notes that strong grandparents are a steady presence when kids are upset. They help children feel safe and calm without stepping in to control or shame. This balance keeps trust strong between the whole family.
4. They model healthy boundaries
These days, we hear a lot about the importance of setting healthy boundaries—especially in families. Strong grandparents show this by living it out every day.
As expert Kim Dykstra shares, “Healthy boundaries help children learn to respect themselves and others, solve problems, and understand what healthy relationships look like.”
For example, if a grandchild says, “I don’t feel like playing right now,” an emotionally strong grandparent doesn’t insist or take it personally. Instead, they give the child space and say, “That’s okay—let me know when you’re ready.” This shows the child that their feelings are respected and their choices matter.
As Lorraine Madden, a child psychologist in Ireland, explains, strong grandparents also “validate feelings and experiences without rushing to fix or dismiss them. That way, children feel truly heard and empowered.”
5. They show how to cope with failure
Life is full of ups and downs, and strong grandparents know failure is part of the journey. Instead of hiding it, they model how to bounce back with grace.
As Dr. Koslowitz shares, “We fail so much throughout life, and learning how to cope with failure is a massive skill children need in order to face the ups and downs of adulthood.”
By showing perseverance, problem-solving, and a healthy way of handling disappointment, grandparents give their grandkids one of the most powerful lessons of all: mistakes don’t define us—they teach us.
6. They manage their own triggers
We all have buttons that can get pushed, but strong grandparents know how to stay calm and steady—especially around their children and grandchildren.
As Dr. Koslowitz explains, “Grandchildren can stir up big feelings, like nostalgia, regrets, or reminders of past parenting mistakes. Strong grandparents notice those feelings but don’t let them take over.”
So when plans suddenly change or a toddler has a full meltdown, they don’t add to the chaos. By keeping their cool, they show children that big emotions are survivable—and they reassure everyone that the grown-ups can handle whatever comes their way.
7. They communicate openly
Strong grandparents don’t just assume—they ask, listen, and work as a team with parents and grandkids.
For example, they might ask: “Would you like me to stick to your bedtime routine tonight, or is it okay if we read an extra story?”
As Dr. Koslowitz explains, these kinds of conversations keep everyone on the same page. They also reassure kids that all the adults in their life are connected, caring, and working together for their good.
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