Having grandchildren is one of life’s greatest joys. You love them with all your heart, and they fill your days with stories that only the wildest imaginations could dream up. But as every grandparent knows, it’s not always simple. One of our dear readers shared a sweet lesson she learned while babysitting her grandkids.
Grandma Margaret shared her story with us
Dear Grandmawise,
I have two grandkids I absolutely adore, but I’m not as young and energetic as I used to be. At 68, I’m retired now, and I simply don’t have the same stamina to keep up with them like I once did.
Still, I’ve always done my best to babysit whenever I could, because time with them is precious to me. Recently, though, things changed. My son and daughter-in-law asked if I could babysit more often since their sitter quit.
I thought about it carefully and said yes—but only if they agreed to three simple rules:
1. No sugar in my house. Candy and soda are for their parents to decide, not me.
2. No sleepovers. I love them dearly, but I need my rest.
3. No surprise drop-offs. I need to know ahead of time if I’m babysitting.
My son said that was fair, and we agreed I’d watch the kids three times a week. But last week, my daughter-in-law broke rule #3. She showed up at my door with the kids in the middle of the day—but I wasn’t home.
It was one of my days off, and I was out with friends. She called, upset, and asked me to come home right away. She said she had a work emergency. When I asked about her sitter, she admitted she hadn’t booked one because she assumed I’d help. I felt bad for her, but I stood by my rules. It would’ve taken me over an hour to get home, and I told her she needed to find another plan.
Later that night, my son called. He said his wife got a written warning at work for leaving during the emergency to care for the kids. I apologized, but I reminded him I need balance in my life too. I can’t always drop everything, even for my grandchildren.
Since then, I haven’t heard from them. Now I’m wondering—was I wrong to stand firm on my rules? Or should I have given in and helped, just that once?
With love,
Margaret
Thank you for writing to us, Margaret. We know how tough this situation must feel, so we’ve gathered a few thoughts that may help.
Keep your rules, but allow room for real emergencies
You did the right thing by setting boundaries. At your age, your health and energy matter more than ever. But to keep peace with your son and daughter-in-law, it may help to add a simple “emergency exception.”
This means they can lean on you only if something truly urgent comes up, while still honoring your need for rest and personal time.
Share your limits with love and calmness
Don’t wait until things go wrong to explain your rules. Take a little time to talk with your son and daughter-in-law about what you can—and cannot—do.
Let them know that babysitting is something you enjoy, not something you’re required to do. Remind them that you’re protecting your health, not rejecting your grandkids. When they see that, it will be easier for them to respect your boundaries.
Offer help without always being the babysitter
If you can, sit down with them and brainstorm other options—like suggesting another sitter, checking out a local babysitting group, or swapping favors with a trusted friend or neighbor.
This shows you care about their struggles while still honoring your own need for independence. It softens the “no” and reminds them that you’re on their side, not against them.
Margaret is in a hard spot right now, but it’s not something she can’t figure out. A little bit of understanding and kindness can make all the difference. And truth be told, she’s not the only one facing family challenges.
Have a thought or story to share? Come join the conversation. 👇
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