Getting Older? Keep Smiling!
They say, “You’re only as young as you feel.” And it’s true! Some days we feel young and full of energy… and other days, well, not so much. That’s when having a good sense of humor really helps.
To keep you smiling, I have gathered some of the funniest quotes about aging. These little gems remind us to laugh at the silly stuff and not take life too seriously.
You’ll find quotes from some of the best comedians like Jim Gaffigan, Conan O’Brien, Rodney Dangerfield, Joan Rivers, Bob Hope, George Burns, and Betty White. Their jokes help us see the funny side of getting older.
These quotes about aging talk about all the changes that come with each new birthday—some good, some silly, and some downright funny. More than anything, they’re a sweet reminder that you’re not alone. Everyone ages, but the real secret is to keep your heart young—no matter what your driver’s license says.
“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” —Tom Stoppard
“As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I have a lot of answers, but no one is asking me the questions.” —Frances McDormand
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’” —Claude Pepper
“After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” —Bette Midler
“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” —Tom Stoppard
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” —Mark Twain
“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” —Luis Buñuel
“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” —David Bowie
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” —Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home.” —Phyllis Diller
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” —Agatha Christie
“Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” —Franz Kafka
“As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.” —Robert Quillen
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom
“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” —Ann Landers
“At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves.” —George Orwell
“At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for.” —Unknown
“At my age, flowers scare me.” —George Burns
“At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, heard it all…I just can’t remember it all.” —Unknown
“Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.” —Benjamin Franklin
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” —Larry Lorenzoni
“By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.” —Billy Crystal
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” —Elbert Hubbard
“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.” —John Wagner
“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” —Leo Rosenberg
“Getting old is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!” —Ingrid Bergman
“Getting older is like living in a haunted house. Lots of creaking and groaning.” —Anonymous
“Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth.” —Conan O’Brien
“Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does.” —J. Norman Collie
“Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.” —Walt Disney
“He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.” —George Burns
“I am not afraid of aging, but more afraid of people’s reactions to my aging.” —Barbara Hershey
“I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror.” —Cherie Lunghi
“I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past.” —Robert Brault
“I don’t do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast.” —Anonymous
“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” —Bob Hope
“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.” —Rita Rudner
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” —Woody Allen
“I don’t want to sound like a Hallmark card, but to be able to wake up each day with food and shelter, that alone is good. Forget aging and the fact that my butt is becoming a little more familiar with my knees than my tailbone. If you are six feet above ground it’s a good day. So, give me more!” —Faith Hill
“I feel old. I got up this morning, put on my shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.” —Rodney Dangerfield
“I guess I don’t so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old.” —Benjamin Franklin
“I have learned that the older I get, the more good old days I have to remember.” —Martha Beck
“I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.” —Albert Einstein
“I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed.” —Unknown
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” —Benjamin Franklin
“I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven’t changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now.” —George Carlin
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.” —George Carlin
“In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order.” —Robert Brault
“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” —Abraham Lincoln
“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” —Jennifer Yane
“It takes a long time to become young.” —Pablo Picasso
“It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.” —Unknown
“It’s not how old you are, it’s how you are old.” —Jules Renard
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” —Andy Rooney
“I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?” —Barry Cryer
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” —Phyllis Diller
“I’m at an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.” —Anonymous
“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.” —Rodney Dangerfield
“I’m not aging, I’m just becoming a classic.” —Anonymous
“I’m not aging, I’m marinating.” —Anonymous
“I’m sixty years of age. That’s 16 Celsius.” —George Carlin
“I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued.” —Bill Dane
“I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.” —Andy Rooney
“I’ve never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else.” —Josh Billings
“Just because you’re over 50 doesn’t mean you have to sit in a rocking chair and wear a cardigan.” —Michelle Pfeiffer
“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” —Truman Capote
“Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!” —Kate Summers
“Looking 50 is great if you’re 60.” —Joan Rivers
“Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty… but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.” —Phyllis Diller
“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” —Bob Hope
“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” —Ogden Nash
“My face carries all my memories. Why would I erase them?” —Diane von Furstenberg
“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.” —Rita Rudner
“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.” —Coco Chanel
“Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere.” —George Burns
“Old age comes at a bad time.” —San Banducci
“Old age comes on suddenly, and not gradually as is thought.” —Emily Dickinson
“Old age is a tyrant, who forbids, under pain of death, the pleasures of youth.” —Francois de la Rochefoucauld
“Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” —Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” —Maggie Kuhn
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” —Golda Meir
“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” —Theodore Roosevelt
“Old age is no place for sissies.” —Bette Davis
“Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.” —Margaret Deland
“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.” —George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad if you consider the alternative.” —Maurice Chevalier
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” —Robert Orben
“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” —George Burns
“Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs.” —Charles Dickens
“Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” —Maggie Kuhn
“The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over, and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn’t ready to appear ridiculous.” —John Mortimer
“The best part of being over forty is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.” —Fran Lebowitz
“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.” —Jerry M. Wright
“The idea is to die young as late as possible.” —Ashley Montagu
“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.” —Anonymous
“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.” —Frank Lloyd Wright
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” —Lee Trevino
“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.” —Mark Twain
“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.” —Will Rogers
“The older you get, the more you should learn to love life and appreciate the beauty that comes with age.” —Diane Von Furstenberg
“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.” —Erma Bombeck
“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” —Doris Day
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball
“The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” —T.S. Elliot
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.” —Bob Phillips
“There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it.” —Patrick Moore
“There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.” —P.G. Wodehouse
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” —George Sand
“There is still no cure for the common birthday.” —John Glenn
“There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure.” —Dennis Wolfberg
“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” —Benjamin Franklin
“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” —Anonymous
“To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.” —Oliver Wendell Holmes
“To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable.” —Oscar Wilde
“To live alone is the fate of all great souls.” —Arthur Schopenhauer
“To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” —Bernard Baruch
“Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!” —Dave Barry
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” —Kurt Vonnegut
“Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.” —George Sand
“We are always the same age inside.” —Gertrude Stein
“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.” —Will Rogers
“We don’t grow older, we grow riper.” —Pablo Picasso
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” —George Bernard Shaw
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” —Mary Sarton
“We must recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars—more and more repairs and replacements are necessary.” —C.S. Lewis
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age—as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” —Phyllis Diller
“When I was young, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” —Mark Twain
“When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile.” —George Burns
“When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.” —Will Rogers
“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.” —Mark Twain
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself.” —Tom Wilson
“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.” —Mark Twain
“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” —Ogden Nash
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” —Woody Allen
“You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” —George Burns
“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” —George Bernard Shaw
“You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” —Joel Plaskett
“You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.” —Hy Gardner
“You know you’re getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them.” —Harrison Ford
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” —Bob Hope
“You know you’re getting old when the little old gray-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.” —Anonymous
“You know you’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.” —Felix Severn
“You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.” —Joan Rivers
“You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.” —John Mendoza
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns
“You know you’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.” —Ellen DeGeneres
Read Also: 59 Popular Inspiring Quotes About Getting Older by Famous People
Love Being a Grandma?
Join 7,900+ grandmas who wake up to a cheerful, uplifting email made just for you. It’s full of heart, sprinkled with fun, and always free. Start your mornings with a smile—sign up below! ❤️