Grandparents Who Make the Biggest Impact on Their Grandkids Usually Do These 10 Things, Psychologists Say

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Grandmas and grandpas are so much more than the people who hand out cookies or tell stories about trudging through snow “up to their knees.”

Grandparents hold a special place in a child’s life. Parents often have to focus on rules, routines, and daily discipline, but grandparents? They get to be the steady, gentle presence that feels safe, loving, and full of comfort.

They’re the ones who share family stories, traditions, and values that give children a deeper sense of who they are and where they belong.

For many kids, grandparents are like anchors—helping them feel calm when life at home feels a little stormy. If you’re a grandparent, this may feel both heartwarming and a little overwhelming. Of course you want to get it “right,” because your role is so important.

The good news? There’s no such thing as a perfect grandparent. But there are plenty of wonderful ones who make a lasting difference in their grandchildren’s lives. Psychologists have found that these grandparents often share a few simple habits—the little things they do that add up to a big impact. Let’s look at 10 of them together.

1. Be there for the parents without undermining them

One of the best gifts you can give your grandchildren is supporting their mom and dad. When kids see their parents and grandparents working as a team, it creates a safe and steady world for them.

That doesn’t mean you always agree with every rule or choice. Maybe bedtime feels too early to you, or maybe you’d handle homework differently.

But instead of correcting the parents in front of the kids, try to back them up. Later, you can gently share your ideas in private. Children thrive when they see the grown-ups they love standing together.

2. Show up

Children don’t always remember the fancy toys or big events, but they never forget who showed up. Especially their beloved grandparents.

Whether it’s cheering at a soccer game, clapping at a school play, or simply sitting beside them during a rainy afternoon, your presence matters more than perfection.

Even small visits, phone calls, or video chats tell your grandkids: “You are worth my time.” These little moments stack up into a lifetime of security and love.

3. Really listen

Kids have a way of telling stories that wander, twist, and sometimes don’t make much sense. But when you lean in and truly listen—without rushing, without checking your phone—you show them that their voice is important.

A child who feels heard grows into a teen and adult who believes their words matter. Ask gentle questions, smile at their excitement, and repeat back what you heard. Something as simple as, “So you’re saying the dragon in your drawing protects the castle?” can make a child feel proud and understood.

Read Also: Grandparents Who Raise Independent Kids Often Do These 6 Things, According to a Child Psychologist

4. Use kind, encouraging words

Words can be like seeds. When you speak kindness into a child’s heart, those words grow into confidence and resilience. A simple “I believe in you,” or “I love how hard you tried,” carries far more power than we often realize.

Encouragement doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes—it means focusing on effort, courage, and growth. Children who hear positive, affirming words from grandparents are more likely to feel capable and loved, even when life gets tough.

5. Encourage curiosity and learning

Children are natural explorers. They want to know why the sky is blue or how ants carry crumbs bigger than themselves. Instead of brushing off their endless questions, celebrate them!

If you don’t know the answer, say, “Let’s look it up together.” Show them how to use books, the library, or even safe websites. You can also spark curiosity with little adventures—like baking cookies and explaining how yeast makes dough rise, or going for a walk and identifying the birds you hear.

When you treat learning like an exciting treasure hunt, your grandkids will carry that love of discovery with them forever.

6. Keep calm

Life with kids can be noisy and unpredictable. Toys get scattered, milk spills, and tempers sometimes flare.

But here’s the secret: children watch how you handle stress even more than what you say. When you stay calm—taking a deep breath instead of shouting—you’re teaching them a powerful life skill.

Calmness is contagious. A steady, gentle response helps kids feel safe and shows them that problems can be solved without panic.

Grandparents have a special gift here, because your patience and life experience often bring the calm every child needs.

Read Also: 7 Things Emotionally Strong Grandparents Do Differently, According to Child Psychologists

7. Role model kindness and compassion

Your grandchildren are always watching you—how you talk to the cashier, greet a neighbor, or comfort a friend.

Every small act of kindness is like a live lesson in compassion. Let them see you say “thank you,” hold the door for someone, or check in on a friend who’s sick. Invite your grandchild to join in—maybe by drawing a get-well card or donating a toy they’ve outgrown. These simple acts teach that kindness isn’t just a nice idea—it’s something we do every day.

8. Share family stories and pass down traditions

Grandparents are keepers of family history. Your stories—how you met their grandpa, what life was like when you were a kid, the funny mishaps that still make you laugh—are treasures your grandkids can’t find in any book.

Traditions, too, help children feel rooted. Maybe it’s making a certain pie at Thanksgiving, singing a special lullaby, or telling the same bedtime story your grandma told you. These traditions connect the past to the present and give children a sense of belonging. They remind kids that they are part of something bigger than themselves—a family that stretches across generations.

9. Engage in meaningful rituals

Rituals don’t have to be fancy to make a big impact. In fact, kids often remember the simple, repeated things most.

Maybe it’s always baking cookies together on Sunday afternoons, playing the same silly song when they visit, or saying a bedtime prayer when they sleep over.

These little patterns become anchors in a child’s world. They give comfort, something steady to look forward to, and a sense that “this is ours.”

Rituals teach children that love isn’t just a feeling—it’s something you practice, over and over, in small, special ways.

10. Love them just the way they are

At the heart of it all, children crave one thing: to be loved for who they are.

That means celebrating your grandson’s quiet nature instead of wishing he were louder, or embracing your granddaughter’s creative spirit even if her room is messy with projects. When kids feel accepted—quirks, struggles, and all—they grow up with confidence in their worth.

Say it often: “I love you just the way you are.” Your steady, unconditional love becomes the foundation they stand on when the world feels shaky.

Grandparents have a special power to give this kind of love, because your job isn’t to perfect them—it’s simply to love them.

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