There’s an old saying: “You can choose your friends, but can’t choose your family.” Well, that’s only partly true—especially when it comes to in-laws!
Grandmas, we know how much you love your kids and grandkids. They’re your heart. But sometimes, getting along with in-laws can feel… tricky. Maybe they have strong opinions, or maybe you just see things differently.
Don’t worry—you’re not alone in this. With a little patience, a lot of love, and some simple strategies, you can keep the peace and enjoy family time even more. Think of this as your friendly guide, sprinkled with practical tips to help you handle those in-law moments with grace.
Ready? Let’s dive in!
1. Lead with Kindness, Always
Kindness is powerful, and it sets the tone for how others treat you. A warm smile, a friendly “hello,” or even a quick hug can make a big difference. Start conversations by saying something nice, like, “That sweater looks great on you!” or “The kids are so lucky to have you as their mom/dad.”
Small, thoughtful gestures—bringing their favorite dessert, sending a quick “thinking of you” message, or complimenting their cooking—show that you care. Even if they seem cold at first, keep being kind. People often soften over time when they feel respected and valued.
Kindness doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything or let anyone walk over you—it simply means you’re choosing peace over conflict. And here’s the best part: your grandkids will notice your patience and learn how to treat others by watching you.
2. Listen More Than You Speak
Everyone wants to feel heard—even your in-laws. Sometimes, just letting them talk can calm a tense moment. Give them your full attention: look at them, nod, and smile while they’re speaking. You can even say things like, “That makes sense,” or “I see why you feel that way.”
Listening doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say. It simply shows respect and makes them feel valued. People are more likely to treat you kindly when they feel you care about their thoughts.
If they say something you don’t like, take a deep breath and wait before answering. Often, just listening is enough to keep the peace. And here’s a secret: the more you listen, the more likely they are to listen to you when it’s your turn to talk.
3. Pick Your Battles Wisely
Not every comment needs a response—really! If your in-law says something that bothers you, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “Will this still matter next week? Or even tomorrow?” Most of the time, the answer is no.
Save your energy for the things that truly matter, like making good memories with your grandkids. If someone makes a small, annoying comment, smile, change the subject, or simply let it pass. The less you argue over little things, the calmer everyone feels.
Think of it this way: every time you choose peace over arguing, you’re teaching your grandkids an important life lesson about patience and kindness. That’s a gift that lasts much longer than any argument ever could.
4. Respect Their Parenting Choices
You may have raised your kids differently, and that’s okay—times change, and so do parenting styles. What matters most is showing respect. Even if you don’t agree with every rule or routine, try to support the choices your in-laws make for their kids. A simple, “You’re doing a great job with them,” goes a long way.
If you have advice to share, wait until you’re asked. Unwanted suggestions can feel like criticism, even if you mean well. Instead, look for moments to encourage them. Parents feel more confident when they know you’re on their side, not judging them.
When you respect their choices, you’re building trust—and trust opens the door to stronger relationships. Plus, your grandkids will see the love and teamwork between you and their parents, which makes them feel safe and happy.
5. Offer Help, But Don’t Take Over
Helping is a wonderful way to show love, but it’s important to do it in a way that feels supportive—not controlling. Parents want to feel confident in their own home and with their own kids, so always ask before stepping in. Simple questions like, “Would you like me to help with the baby?” or “Can I bring dinner over this week?” show respect for their space.
Offer help with a cheerful heart and no strings attached. If they say no, smile and let it go—just knowing you’re willing to help means a lot. And when they do accept your help, focus on being encouraging rather than taking charge.
Remember, your role as Grandma is special. You’re there to love, not to manage. When you give help gently, you build trust, and that makes family time happier for everyone—especially your grandkids.
6. Avoid Gossip and Negative Talk
Talking badly about someone might feel harmless in the moment, but it almost always causes hurt feelings later. Gossip spreads quickly, and once words are said, they can’t be taken back. If a family member starts gossiping, try to steer the conversation in a happier direction by saying something kind or asking a fun question about the kids.
Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything or everyone—it just means you’re choosing peace over drama. A simple smile and a gentle change of subject can keep things calm and pleasant for everyone.
Your grandkids are always watching how you act. When they see you staying kind and refusing to talk badly about others, you’re teaching them one of life’s most important lessons: a loving heart is stronger than mean words.
7. Find Common Interests
One of the easiest ways to get along better with in-laws is to find something you both enjoy. Shared fun can melt away tension and build friendship over time. Think about what they like—maybe it’s baking, gardening, trying new recipes, or even cheering for the same sports team.
If you’re not sure what you have in common, ask! Simple questions like, “What’s your favorite hobby?” or “Have you seen any good movies lately?” can spark conversations and help you learn more about each other.
Even small things count. Watching an old family movie together, swapping favorite recipes, or planting flowers side by side can create happy memories. Every positive moment you share adds a little more warmth to your relationship—and your grandkids will love seeing everyone getting along.
8. Set Gentle but Firm Boundaries
Being kind doesn’t mean you have to say “yes” to everything or accept hurtful behavior. It’s okay to protect your peace while still staying loving. If someone says something rude or pushes too far, take a deep breath and answer calmly. You might say, “I’d rather not talk about this right now. Let’s enjoy the kids instead,” or, “I’m not comfortable with that, but I’m happy to talk about something fun.”
Boundaries aren’t about being mean—they’re about showing respect for yourself and keeping family time happy. The key is to speak with a gentle voice and a kind smile. People are more likely to respect your limits when you stay calm and polite.
Your grandkids will notice how you handle tough moments. By standing up for yourself in a peaceful way, you’re teaching them that kindness and confidence can go together. That’s a life lesson they’ll carry forever.
Grandmas, you’ve got this! With a little patience and these simple tips, you can handle tricky in-law moments with kindness and grace. The most important thing? Focus on what truly matters—making happy memories with your grandkids.
Remember to talk things out calmly, set gentle boundaries when needed, and keep your sense of humor. A little laughter can smooth over a lot of rough edges!
Here’s to more peaceful family gatherings, warm hugs, and plenty of fun times with the people you love most.
Love Being a Grandma?
Join 7,900+ grandmas who wake up to a cheerful, uplifting email made just for you. It’s full of heart, sprinkled with fun, and always free. Start your mornings with a smile—sign up below! ❤️