Who doesn’t love a good holiday laugh? These funny 4th of July jokes are perfect for kids! Share them with the little ones in your life to make them smile and sneak in a bit of U.S. history, too. They might even become the star of the family barbecue!
Why does fire dislike the 4th of July?
Because fire works on the 4th of July.
What did the ghost say on the 4th of July?
Red, white, and boo!
Why was the American flag the life of the party?
It was always ready to raise spirits.
What did the tourists say when they left the Statue of Liberty?
Keep in torch!
Does Europe have a 4th of July?
Yes. It’s the day after the 3rd of July.
What’s red, white, black, and blue?
Uncle Sam after a boxing match.
What’s another name for a patriotic cow?
An A-mooo-rican.
Who has to work on the 4th of July?
Fireworks.
What did the American flag say to the pole?
I’m just hanging out.
What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?
Tea-shirts.
What do the American flag and a sad candy cane have in common?
They’re both red, white, and blue.
What do ducks love about the 4th of July?
Fire quackers.
What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware?
“Get in the boat, men!”
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What is red, white, blue, and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam.
What did the firecracker eat at the movies?
Pop-corn.
What was the patriotic snake’s favorite subject in school?
American hissss-tory.
Why couldn’t George Washington fall asleep?
Because he couldn’t lie.
Which bakery should you purchase desserts from for the 4th of July?
The most pastry-otic one.
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
The indepen-dance.
Why did the firework become a teacher?
Because it wanted to “spark” curiosity in students.
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand for freedom?
Because she can’t sit.
What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?
“My pop’s bigger than yours!”
Where is the capital in Washington, D.C.?
At the beginning.
What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?
One has his face on a bill, the other has a bill on his face.
What did the flag do when it lost its voice?
It just waved.
Why did the firecracker go to the hair salon?
It needed to trim its bangs.
What beverage do you drink on July 4th?
Liber-tea.
Why did the corn on the cob go to the 4th of July parade?
Because it heard there would be a-maize-ing floats!
What is the best sport to play on July 4th?
Flag football.
What’s Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?
Fire Cracker Jacks.
Why is there no knock-knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.
Why did the hot dog go to the 4th of July party?
Because it heard it was buns of fun.
What do dads like to eat on the 4th of July?
Pop-sicles.
What do you serve with cheese on Independence Day?
Fire crackers.
Which flag is the most highly rated?
The American flag. It has 50 stars.
What are the most patriotic flowers?
Yankee doodle dandylions.
Which Founding Father is a dog’s favorite?
Bone Franklin.
What’s red, white, blue, and green?
Uncle Sam holding a watermelon.
What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting.
What was the wildest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day–old pizza.
What was General Washington’s favorite tree?
The infantree.
How did the Boston colonists’ dogs protest against England?
The Boston Flea Party.
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British.
Which colonists told the most jokes?
Pun-sylvanians.
What happens if something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore?
I don’t know, but it will be a monumental disaster.
What’s red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic turtle.
Which is the smartest state in America?
Alabama. It has four A’s and one B.
What do you get if you cross a stegosaurus with a firework?
Dino-myte.
What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk?
The Star-Spangled Banner.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
You stole my thunder!
Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up.
Why should you research fireworks before purchasing them?
To get the most bang for your buck.
What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?
Hi, Pop!
What do you call a really good drawing by an American child?
A Yankee doodle dandy.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.
What do you get when you cross a patriot with a curly-haired dog?
A Yankee poodle.
What did Luke Skywalker say on the 4th of July?
May the Fourth be with you!
No matter how you celebrate the 4th of July, these jokes are sure to fit right in! Kids can tell them while munching on watermelon and hot dogs, or while eating popsicles and drying off from the sprinkler. Even better—save them for the fireworks show! Your little comedian might get some “oohs and ahhs” along with the laughs.
Read Also: These 23 Fourth of July Trivia Questions Will Reveal Just How Much You Remember From History Class
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